Welcome to Slayers. This specific roleplay centers on Faith Lehane and those around her in the Watcher's Council of Cleveland, OH. Buffy has her own main Council at another thriving hellmouth, and the two are almost completely separated. Cleveland is filled with danger and the supernatural. Will you survive?
Tristyn Wright Administrator • W I T C H E S • member is offline
Waking up again
Joined: Sept 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 924 Location: California
Re: Finding my way [Tristyn] « Reply #1 on Jul 21, 2009, 5:53pm »
It’s been awhile. I used to write all the time but the recent events have not been kind to any of us. Faith is off somewhere after apparently trying to kill Nate; thank god he can't die. Oh, wait, there was that one time. I try not to think about it, that was a rotten time.
Hell the past few months have been a rotten time. Remember Jayme? Remember how I cheated on her like a nutter and took up with Carmen? Well Carmen died, its only been a few months but she's not here anymore and I can't help but think that her death was somehow my fault.
People say live your life with no regrets but I can't help feeling responsible for this one. I should've followed her the night she went out to hunt after that vampire and made sure he was dead. She said he was but somehow he wasn't. How could she think he was dead if he really wasn't? Did she know he was still alive? Either way, he's dead now. I took care of that.
After Carmen died I went down to Misery, apparently that’s where the other big outpost of slayers are; the head slayer Buffy is there. Or they say she is. I never saw her, I went to see Faith. She took the amulet off the vamp I killed. Unfortunately it gets to whoever has it, makes 'em kinda evil and it got to her. I almost killed her trying to get it. I can't help feeling like I pushed her over the edge and made her unable to trust us. I need to find her and make sure she's okay but I'm gonna have to complete my own healing fist and make sure I won't go all dark on her.
I've made quite a few mistakes, I just know my karma's gonna be rotten for a bit. I'm not putting any of this down lightly. I used my power for evil, took of with a vampire; Kara. She had that knack to talk me into doing things but I can't blame her, I knew better but I let myself be convinced when she spoke. I listened even though it was the wrong thing; I just wanted to escape my pain.
I killed people. I haven't told anyone that; i don't know if my friends would ever look at me the same. I don't even remember how many people I killed. 4 or 5 I think. I became what I fought to stop. I destroyed some of the city; nothing huge but I contributed to its destruction. The hellmouth gets to us, even worse; we let it. I guess all of us get tired of fighting at one time or another but we can't give up. We have no other option but to keep going or the world will die.
I could go on and talk about my pain but I don't want to relive her death or the way I felt after it and I don't want to say that I'm walking around with a big hole in me that hurts constantly. I'd rather not say that it took another witch to help me finally decide to turn around and try to get better cuz I couldn't make that decision on my own.
I've never been stable, not in the way I live my life but it looks like my magick is now unstable as well. When I get angry I'm in danger of erupting and going off at everyone around me. I can't lose control; I need to stay calm now. I have to work on control because I have almost none.
And yet vita procedit, Life goes on like some sort of cruel joke; an endless circle. And I get to live out mine on the hellmouth.
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